Core-Experiences

Throughout the rest of 1992, and while we both worked at the same place, Paul and I had many conversations about the nature of the mind and consciousness. We both knew that the experiences he was having were more complex than science and physics would allow, and that the nature of consciousness was something which science could not get a grip on.

  It has long been intuited that consciousness is the “ground-state energy” regarding all phenomena: everything is made manifest from it. It seemed then that our quest had to begin with this very subject. For a long time, we had known that this energy, which Paul experienced physically, was Consciousness itself – and that it was a more pure and concentrated kind.

  I have always been interested in the mind and consciousness. I then began to write down my own insights about it and finally came up with a satisfying picture that could probably explain consciousness in a more holistic sense. Little did I know that my own insights also paralleled those found in Eastern philosophy.

Strange coincidences and synchronicities accompanied these insights – as if I was being led to the right information, which would help me formulate these insights into a system of knowledge. It was after the realisation of what I was being led to that I began my own research, and I started by looking back through all the books and magazines I already had in my possession.

  It was about this time that I decided to write a book. My decision to do this was mainly due to the many ideas and insights I kept getting everyday, but also because I found it difficult to verbalise these insights in any coherent form that would make sense to those who were interested. It was only after I wrote these insights down and read them back, that they then seemed to make more sense to others, and even to myself!

  I shall go into this communication problem with a little more depth later as it seems to be one of main causes behind all the frustration and confusion that is often met by those of us who want to understand these kind of abstract metaphysical concepts, but always seem to be thwarted by some kind of mental block.

  I now understand that this is due to our mental processes, which are ‘lineally’ dominant, and as we know this linear process of the mind – i.e., information that travels along lines of dendrites from one neurone to another, is something that also dominates our modes of communication, but as I said we will come to this later.

  Of course other people’s attitudes in regard to my writing a book were quite interesting:

  Over the years, I was often asked why I was writing this book – especially by those who knew me. But it was more astonishing to find that the few people who knew that I was writing this book would often ask ‘how’ I could write such a book? Those who know me quite well never considered me a writer: you see, I came from what many would call a “common” background – and because I had no scholarly ambition or academic training, my endeavour to write a book had surprised many of those who thought they knew me.

  It would be fairer to say that the day I sat down at the computer and decided to write this book, it then began to write itself! . . This book took on a life of its own as I wrote it.

  Of course, most of the ideas throughout this work can be considered my own because they came from somewhere within me. But the truth is I was actually discovering and learning all about these concepts as I wrote them down and they were each leading me time and time again to the central theme, (Neutral Point) which only came to me a few years later.

  I would sit down and just begin to write – not knowing what I was going to write about and how it was going to end . . . it just poured out. As I said, I was sometimes led through some strange coincidences and synchronicities to the right sources of material that were appropriate because of their analogous parallelism with my own ideas and the central theme. But I would stress that my association with these other works came only after my own ideas were formulated and were only consulted because to some extent the content of these other works agreed, or certain elements in them were similar in conception to the things I had already discovered through my own insights.

  Once I started writing I couldn’t stop. Again, I would write well on into the early hours. I would also be working on three or four chapters at once – all of them centred on a different theme. At first, and because of this habitual, ambidextrous method of writing, the chapters and themes seemed disordered and unconnected; there didn’t seem to be any bridge between the different insights that all these different themes were based around and this used to cause me problems: I really couldn’t see where it was all leading me. However, as the months passed, I could see a central theme formulating itself out of all the seemingly disparate themes and chapters.

  I could see that the book, which seemed to be ‘forming itself,’ also tackled some of the problems we have in trying to understand the mind, consciousness, mystical experience and what we call “the paranormal.” I then felt that it could possibly be an important contribution towards our understanding of something that would help each of us to reach an individual sense of purpose and freedom that could never be undermined or taken away.

  I must admit that many times I felt like giving up, because a lot of the time it was very frustrating and exhausting. But I was always encouraged again by a feeling of profound importance that was attached to this work, and this always spurred me on.

  I was rewarded, because as I said, the central theme of what I called the Neutral Point' then revealed itself to me a few years later. From that moment on I felt confident that the central theme of this work would one day play a huge part in the challenges that have recently been given to the present materialist paradigm – and was something that would probably even help to shake it to its very foundations. This may seem like a bold assertion now, but my research into this energy that changed our lives (My brother’s and my own) and those around us, eventually led me to discover its Source – the Void – and this became my central theme.

  I could see that one’s understanding of the Source of this energy was something very important as regards the release of one’s creative potential and inner freedom. Going by my research into all the arcane literature and esoteric traditions, it was obvious that it was already known about and therefore it was something Real. Knowing this, it didn’t surprise me to learn that most of those who have known about it have always tried to suppress it and keep it a secret – and again, mostly because one’s knowledge of it could also be used to enslave people as well as to free them.

Our band was still active, and there were quite a few young ladies who would always turn up regularly at our gigs. One of these was Claire who became a friend first, and then my partner. In February 1993, we began dating regularly.

  A strange thing happened the night before our first date: I had a dream in which I saw a typical Angel with wings floating down upon a church steeple, and walking around it. The Angel glowed, radiating many bright colours. This is all I could remember, but I woke-up that morning with the sun streaming through the windows. My depression had finally and totally lifted. I felt reborn again, and ready to face whatever life had to throw at me. That same day Claire rang, and suggested that she come over to see me, and that we should go out for a drink and a meal.

  Soon after this, I was regularly travelling over to Claire’s place in Orpington – staying the weekends.

  It was Claire’s idea that I move in with her, and so I threw caution to the wind and moved in with her in Orpington, Kent during May 1993.

  Throughout the early part of 1993, I took a rest from writing, and concentrated on life with Claire – although I still read the occasional book and wrote down plenty of annotated notes for future reference. After a while though, I became restless, as Claire would often be riding her family’s horse or down at the stables. Most of the time I would be sitting around the house wondering what to do with myself. I knew that I had to finish what I had set out to do. I then hired a computer, and began writing again. Claire didn’t really mind this at first – although she would never discuss any of the things I was writing about, and I don’t think she read anything of what I had written all the time I was with her.

  Claire never really took an interest in these subjects and after a while, it seemed that what was then happening to my brother and I, and what I was writing about, actually disturbed her sense of reality. She then began to react against what I was doing – and I couldn’t say I blamed her.

  Anyway, towards the end of 1993, the business of a friend of the family, Ken Ward had ran into difficulties and so he had to wind-up his company 'Panel Printers'. We then helped him move everything to new premises on a trading estate in Mitcham, Surrey, and all began trading under the name Transat Ltd. It was during our time in Mitcham and only two years after Paul’s first experience, that I began having similar experiences myself. These experiences began with something like Paul’s core-experience, and like Paul’s, my core-experience of this energy also began with a dream – but a dream that seemed very real . . .

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